Parts Unknown Respresenting The United States?

[Joe Mama, sits in a dark alley, somewhere deep in the streets of Parts Unknown. Wearing his trademark navy blue bathrobe with a wifebeater and a pair of jeans underneath, he definitely looks the worst for wear after last week’s “I Quit” match. Spotting the cameraman, Joe Mama begins to speak.]

Joe Mama: I see you’ve found me. You probably checked out my trailer and realized I wasn’t there. I’ve been avoiding it, opting to sleep here in the streets. I informed Black Betty of my options, so she would not come looking for me. Last week was traumatic for her, as she was placed in a dangerous situation. Luckily, she’s not hurt, but she needs to sit at home and rest and get her head right for the PPV. Also, sleeping out here serves as a cold reminder to me of what it’s like to be a loser. You see, last week I lost at the hands of Chance.

Chance is a sneaky son of a bitch. With that said, I like his style. He will stop at nothing to win. I’m sure, however, it was Big G’s work. Big G is a confusing animal. He is sly like a fox, but comes across as a weasel as well. Also, he is like a leech, leeching onto to the Samoan Killing Machine. He reminds me of a parrot as well, with his constant squawking. Some day, I would very much enjoy shoving my fist down his throat or my foot up his anal cavity.

However, that will have to wait until our paths cross again. Last week is history and I must remind myself that those who attempt to live in the past, die there. I have to set my attention to the future… my title shot this week at New York Vengeance. I have a shot at the United States Championship.

Unfortunately for me, the odds surely do not look to be in my favor. I have the tumultuous task of competing against five other men gunning for that right to represent the United States of Americana. When you factor in the factoid that days earlier, I had been brutally beaten by a burly behemoth; I am definitely the underdog. As I’ve said earlier, I’m fine with that.

Johnny Stylez, Chris Blue, V.I.P, Brick and El Gringo are all very capable athletes and each would make a very good representative to the United States of American Idols. Actually, I am fairly sure that some of them live there, which would probably qualify them for that title more so than myself. However, I refuse to lose and will fight with every fiber in my body to emerge victorious. Tomorrow, I shall begin my training regime. It will be tricky for such a match of this magnitude and complexity. I will surmise a strategy tomorrow; I must rest.

[With that said, Joe Mama tucks an arm under his head and curls into a ball on the dead-end alley and slips off to dreamland.]

Joe Mama: Zzz… Why hello there Carmine Ortiz… you’re car broke down, you say and you’re soaking wet. Well, hehe, I can see that. Yeah, c’mon in. You can use my shower, baby. Go ahead and make yourself at home. Eat my whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Sleep in my bed. Mmm… Zzz…

[Fin.]