he's back for punk!

Opener Number of posts : 11 Registration date : 2006-10-22

[camera fades in on the samoan warrior and big g]
[they are at chance’s house in samoa]

big g:Perdone, todos escuchan arriba. Grande G habla, así que todos se callan. se calla! oye todo usted personas, ponen sus ojos en mí. Todos ojos en mí yo tengo algo decir tan cerró sus hoyos de pastel.

[big g pauses]

big g: all eyes on me ... big g! haha my name is gaison consenaro banderios, and I am not a wrestler. but i am a manager of the samoan warrior chance pahaku. this is the man who defines compition and sports.

[big g whips out a cigar]

big g: see om r punk, chance has the strength of two men. so if ju think for one second that ju are going to beat him, ju are sadly mistaken haha.

[big g looks at the samoan]

big g: see om r punk, this man has only been beaten by one person in his entire carrer, and he was one of the best. ju are the spit on wrestlings shoe haha. not even good enough to be, como i sey jobber haha.

[big g takes a puff of his cigar]

big g: punk, listen to big g. you should go into porter mccleuds office and say you want to fight someone else. cause if you love your wrestling carrer or whats left of it, ju will save your self by the monster.

[Chance starts to scream]

chance: oe maua leai tupu fua, oe maua leai tupu fua fesagai ia. ‘o mana‘o le ‘ua malo ma oe le mafai taofi ia. lagona?!

[big g clams chance down]

big g: ju dont even want to know what he said amigo. trust me when i say, you have no chance against chance. so ju shouldn't have runned your mouth all over the place. cause this man is a legend in the making, and he refuses to lose.

[he pauses]

big g: fa samoa

chance: solo ole va! fa samoa!

big g: don’t make checks your body can’t cash punk.

[camera fades out]

Subject: Re: he's back for punk! December 25th 2006, 6:17 am

A live shot cuts to the backstage area where a rookie interviewer is in the locker room with a mic in hand to speak with Om-R Punk, who is sitting on a bench thumbing through the latest edition of Hit Parader magazine. Seeing the interviewer and the cameraman, Punk rises to his feet and sets the magazine aside.

Interviewer: "Hello, Mr. Punk. Could I please have a word?"

Punk: "Go right ahead, Dick. You mind if I call you Dick?!?"

Interviewer: "Actually, my name is Theo-"

Punk: "Dick it is! Let's get down to business, Dick."

Dick: "What are your thoughts on the challenge the Samoan Warrior, Chance Pahaku, has issued to you?"

Punk: "I've got a lot of thoughts on it, Dick. The first one being HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Punk bursts into a hysterical fit of laughter and flails about wildly. The interviewer places his hand on Om-R's shoulder in an effort to calm him down, but Punk suddenly stops and stares a cold stare at him.

Punk: "Do not touch me, Dick. We all know what you been doing with them hands."

Dick: "Reading books?!?"

Punk: "Let's not go into further detail concerning your masturbatory affairs, Dick. Back to the interview."

Dick: "Sure. Your thoughts on Chance Pahaku and his manager Big G?"

Punk: "Well. The first thought aside from absolutely hysterical and uncontrollable laughter has to be copyright infringement. Tell me if I'm wrong here, Dick, but doesn't this Chance Pahaku character remind you of one Samoan Bulldozer from that soap opera, RAW?!? I think it does, Dick. Is originality a concept foreign to you, Umag- I mean Chance?!? It seems to be the case, you shit-for-brains moron."

Dick: "And his manager?"

Punk: "Oh yea. Armando Alej- I mean Big G. You're a real character, my friend. You're one of those guys who doesn't have the balls to fight for himself, so he gets some steroid-using, illiterate retard to do his bidding for him. Did I hit the nail on the head, Mr. G?!? It would seem as if I did. Here's a tip. Don't talk the talk when you and I know you can't back it up with the walk. Keep giving me lip, and I'll give you a Rebellion Kick down your fucking throat, asshole! Got it?!?"

Dick: "Does this mean you accept the challenge, Mr. Punk?"

Punk: "No, Dick. I just went through all this for no goddamn reason. Yes, I accept his challenge. Even though my parents had always told me it was wrong to mess with retards, I'll make an exception in this case. Listen up, Chance. Your little bitch of a manager can hype you up all he wants, but it doesn't mean a damn thing. As far as I'm concerned, all you are is hype. You wanna get your ass kicked my Mr. Anti-Conformity so bad. Sign your own death warrant. I really don't care. The match is on."

Dick: "Strong words, Mr. Punk. Any last comments?"

Punk: "I am Om-R Punk, and I'm absolutely nefarious like a man on fire. See you later, bitch!"

Punk storms out of the locker room, slamming the door behind him. The camera focuses on the closed door for a moment before the scene fades to black.

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