[Joe Mama makes his way down a dark alley. He ignores a biker stabbing a masked man with a rusty knife and pops out the other end, crossing the street to Parts-Mart. Joe Mama heads inside the store, grumbling as the Parts-Mart greeter approaches him. The greeter is an old man with his trademark black vest.]
Parts-Mart Greeter: Hello, welcome to Parts-Mart! I’m going to need to put a sticker on your bathrobe.
Joe Mama: Over my dead body.
Parts-Mart Greeter: I have to, so nobody thinks you’re trying to steal it.
Joe Mama: Touch me and die.
[The Parts-Mart Greeter extends his hand and is met with a swift kick to the gut, followed by a DDT. Joe Mama scoops the man up and body slams him into a shopping cart. Joe Mama then continues on his way, weaving in and out of aisles and departments before reaching the desolate hardware section. Looking around to make sure nobody’s watching, Joe Mama grabs a pack of washers. He pulls them open and dumps most of them into his hand, before shutting the box and sticking it back on the shelf.]
Joe Mama: Hehe.
[Joe Mama leaves and heads back over to the front of the store to a large display of candies. He pulls a root beer barrel out and drops a washer into the metal change box so that it sounds a coin. He repeats this until his pocket is slowly fills with candy. Noticing a snooping employee, he feels the few washers left and decides to make his exit, saving them for another day. Joe Mama heads to the door as another Parts-Mart Greeter stands waiting for him.]
Parts-Mart Greeter #2: Where is your sticker on your bathrobe?
Joe Mama: What? You don’t even sell this brand here; it’s from Robes ‘R Us in the north side of Parts Unknown.
Parts-Mart Greeter #2: Look, this store is too big for me to know where every product is. I’m afraid that you’re going to have to wait for security. You’ll be strip searched and if you pass, you’ll be free to leave.
Joe Mama: Like Hell.
[Joe Mama jams his thumb in the Parts-Mart greeter’s throat and then drops him with an atomic drop. With the man dazed, Joe Mama turns to leave but stops and grins and then levels the man with a super kick. Security approaches, but Joe Mama simply flips them off and runs out of the store. Joe Mama weaves in and out of the sea of muscle cars and motorcycles that populate the parking lot of Parts-Mart until he’s back in the alley.]
Joe Mama: Damn.
[Joe Mama looks around and leans against a brick wall, pausing for a breather. He pops one of those delicious root beer barrels in his mouth and enjoys the sweet taste.]
Joe Mama: It’s funny; in this past week, I have truly been enjoying the sweet taste. Between this root beer barrel and the sweet taste of victory, I am slowly proving myself to Parts Unknown. I’ve become the Dark Match World Champion and it’s just the beginning. It feels like nobody and nothing can hold me down. I feel unstoppable… untouchable… invincible. I feel like… I’m on top of the world.
[Joe Mama adjusts his navy blue bathrobe a bit and relaxes. He hardly notices a shadow running over his view of the dim lit streetlight. However, when it passes by again and stays on him, he turns his attention. A curvaceous figure approaches him as he struggles to see her, due to the poor lighting. Her hips swivel as she walks closer, until she stands a foot from him. She places her hands on her hips and her lips curl in a smile, before her tongue flickers out and she begins to speak in a sexy voice.]
Woman: Hey there, big boy.
Joe Mama: Uh… hi.
[The woman reaches out and rubs the back of her hand on Joe Mama’s bathrobe.]
Woman: I see you’re in your robe, must be ready for bed.
Joe Mama: I always wear this bathrobe.
Woman: Mmm… I bet you’re always in bed.
Joe Mama: Well, I do like to sleep.
[Laughing, the woman runs one of her long index fingers, accented by black nail polish, down the neckline of her dress.]
Woman: Well, you definitely don’t mess around. So, what are you looking for?
Joe Mama: Huh?
Woman: What do you want?
Joe Mama: What do I want? What do I want?
[Joe Mama grins.]
Joe Mama: I want it all.
[The woman squeals and takes Joe Mama by the hand, wrapping her hand around his as she leads him out of the alley. Unaware to the full situation, Joe Mama grins and digs into his pocket, offering up a root beer barrel.]
Woman: Mmm… I love candy.
Joe Mama: Yeah, it’s sweet.
[The woman laughs, looking at the label. She suddenly stops.]
Woman: Ugh… Parts-Mart.
Joe Mama: Huh?
[The woman lets go of Joe Mama’s arm and glares at the wrapper.]
Woman: I hate Parts-Mart.
Joe Mama: Yeah, me too.
Woman: Oh yeah, sure. You hate them… yet you obviously shop there. Parts-Mart is slowly, but surely governing a land of anarchists. You’re just like the rest.
Joe Mama: Excuse me?
Woman: You say you hate them, yet you give them your cash. You feed the machine, letting it turn the sinners into white-collar saints. Get lost.
Joe Mama: Huh? These candies were stolen.
Woman: Really?
Joe Mama: Yeah.
Woman: Mmm… you’re like a double agent for disorder. Let’s go back to my place. I’ll give you a freebie.
Joe Mama: Cool. Wait. What’s free?
[The woman stares at Joe Mama before finally shaking her head at Joe Mama’s naďveté.]
Woman: So, sailor, what’s your name?
Joe Mama: I’m Joe Mama.
Woman: Mama… that sounds strangely familiar.
Joe Mama: What’s your name?
Woman: You can call me Black Betty.
Joe Mama: Black Betty? My mom used to get her hair cut at Black Betty’s Salon.
[Black Betty rolls her eyes.]
Black Betty: Fabulous. So, what do you do for a living?
Joe Mama: I'm a wrestler.
Black Betty: Oh, cool.
Joe Mama: You?
Black Betty: Oh... a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Actually, truth be told, not a whole lot. I used to be in management.
Joe Mama: Sweet.
[The two continue down the street... to be continued.]
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October 30th 2006, 4:33 am